BURBANK, CA—Disney has announced that they’ll finally be adding an LGBTQ superhero to their pantheon of iconic characters. The non-binary superhero, named Fluid (they/them), Disney says will be their biggest boost to inclusion yet, and they say this superhero has a very special power: Fluid can turn completely invisible in international markets.
“This is a real twenty-first-century superhero,” said new Disney CEO Bob Chapek. “Fluid is going to be loud and proud—in markets where that will get us points—but then completely disappear with no effect to the plot in markets where they might run afoul of censorship laws and significantly affect box office receipts.”
Fluid is said to have limited telepathic powers, giving them the ability to tell if the person they’re offending is Christian—at which point Fluid becomes even more visible and everyone just has to deal with them—or if the person offended is Muslim, leading Fluid to become invisible so as to not miss out on significant profits in Asia.
“Disney cares about everyone,” Chapek says. “And we want everyone to know we’re a forward-thinking company on the right side of history in most English-speaking markets."
Get Free Access To Our Brand New Site: Not the Bee
After creating The Babylon Bee in six literal days, Adam Ford rested. But he rests no longer. Introducing Not the Bee — a brand new humor-based news site run by Adam himself. It's loaded with funny content and all the best features of a social network. And the best part? Everyone with a subscription to The Bee gets full access at no extra cost.