Disneyland Unveils New Star Wars Ride That Builds Up Really High Expectations And Then Lets You Down Halfway Through

ANAHEIM, CA—A newly unveiled ride at Disney's upcoming Star Wars: Galaxy's Edge resort areas will set up really high expectations for guests, only to let them down halfway through the ride, sources confirmed.

From signage to decoration to marketing, everything about the ride will set users up for the expectation that they're going to have the ride of their lives, but just before every exciting twist, turn, or flip, the ride will turn away at the last second to something really boring or confusing.

"We really want this ride to subvert expectations," a representative for Disney Parks and Resorts said. "See, if you think you're going to get a loop-the-loop and then we actually give you a loop-the-loop, you're just getting what's expected. That's not very exciting. But if we promise a loop-the-loop and then divert the car at the last second into a boring, straight segment of track, riders will be taken by surprise. It's a very post-modern take on coaster design."

Designed in part by filmmaker Rian Johnson, the ride aims to build up a bunch of high expectations about what the ride will entail and then never pay off on any of those threads. Using state-of-the-art coaster design technology, the ride has numerous tracks it will take riders on. But almost every one of those tracks will go nowhere, ending in brick walls or just going in a circle. One exciting segment will even launch riders off the end of an incomplete section of track, causing the car to careen into a mural of beloved Star Wars characters, totally obliterating those characters and everything we loved about them.

In the exciting finale to the ride, the coaster cars will take guests up a track higher and higher, making them think they're about to have an exciting, climactic drop, only to have the ride end abruptly.

Disney assures concerned fans that JJ Abrams will be designing a third segment to the ride that will fix everything.

A Babylon Bee subscriber contributed to this report. If you want to get involved with the staff writers at The Babylon Bee, check out our membership options here!
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