VALLEY RIDGE, CA—The entire church body at Grace Valley Church tragically suffered from heat exhaustion Sunday morning, as an usher mistakenly set the thermostat to just above 72 degrees Fahrenheit before the church’s 10:30 a.m. service, sources confirmed Monday.
The error was reportedly caught several minutes into the service, as congregants began to sweat profusely, desperately trying to fan themselves with church programs and Bibles to cool down from the sweltering environment. But it was too late, as heat exhaustion and severe dehydration began to set in and church leaders were unable to reach the thermostat to lower the temperature before collapsing and passing out.
Dumping water bottles and iced coffees on themselves, congregants attempted in vain to stave off the effects of the desert-like environment, according to rescue crews who arrived on the scene after a brave usher was able to call authorities from his nearly melted phone.
According to the Valley Ridge fire chief, a SWAT team responding to the call rammed an armored vehicle through the sanctuary wall, and a fire truck doused the churchgoers with a fire hose, saving them from perishing at the last moment before EMTs began reviving and treating them.
Breaking: PayPal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered PayPal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added PayPal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.