Health
Experts Warn Murders Will Just Occur In Back Alleys If Murder Outlawed

U.S.—Experts on murder rates in the United States have confirmed what we've all long suspected: banning murders is dangerous, because if we do so, murders will just occur in back alleys anyway.

Many states have begun passing laws against shooting, stabbing, or punching other humans to death. At first, this seemed like the obvious, humane thing to do in a civilized society. 

Not so fast, experts say. 

"Here's the problem: if you ban murder, murder will happen anyway," said Dr. Penny Lois, an expert in the field. "People are still going to break the law and murder other people. So the real question is, do we want murders to happen and be safe, legal, and rare, or do we want them to happen in a dark alley somewhere?"

Lois pointed out that it's much safer for the murderer if they're allowed to commit the killing in broad daylight and not behind a dilapidated warehouse in some remote, rural location.

"We need safe and legal murder access for everyone if we really want murder rates to go down in any significant way," she said. "If you outlaw it, it's gonna happen still. And we'd much rather it be done in, say, a brightly lit clinic during the day than behind a dumpster at night."

"It's better for everyone this way---well, except for the victim, but this isn't about the victim."

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