MENLO PARK, CA—Facebook confirmed today that to prevent the spread of coronavirus and promote a safe space to virtue-signal, masks will be required on all profile pictures going forward.
If you log in to Facebook you will be prompted to change your profile picture to one where you are wearing a mask. If you don't have a mask, Facebook offers digital mask filters to give the appearance that you're wearing one. Those who refuse the mask will be asked to delete their accounts.
"This is an issue of public safety," said Mark Zuckerberg. "We were seeing people just commenting on things and posting memes and stuff while their face was clearly visible. The CDC currently says that masks are good, and therefore, you must wear a mask."
An assistant then whispered in Zuckerberg's ear.
"Oh, uh, this just in: the CDC now says that masks are bad. So we'll take this all back." But, before he could reverse the mask order, the CDC issued another update saying that masks were good again.
"Anyway, yes, a mask for everyone. It's a small thing to do to make everyone feel safe."