RUTLAND, VT—Reasoning that it’s the safe thing to do, local family The Wilsons announced they will be attending the Easter service at Rutland First United Methodist Church on Sunday, just in case God is real.
“This will be our fifth year in a row attending church on Easter—we’ve made three out of the last five Christmases, too,” noted Sylvia Wilson, the matriarch of the family.
“So if it turns out there really is a God, I’m sure this will score us enough points to get us through the pearly gates,” she added.
“We really believe in going to church on Easter and most Christmases,” agreed Sylvia’s husband, Thomas. “It’s an important family tradition birthed from a standard risk-reward analysis.”