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First Baptist Church Shocked To Discover They Are Not Actually The First Baptist Church

BRATTLEBORO, VT—Sources at First Baptist Church on Main Street confirmed Thursday that the pastor and all 27 people on the leadership team were shocked to discover that they are not actually the first Baptist church in existence.

"Pastor, I've got some bad news," one congregant said. "Well, it looks like there are four other Baptist churches who were in this city well before us. And, well---man, this is gonna be hard to hear---there are thousands of Baptist churches all over the world."

"WHAT!?!" Pastor Jim Beryl responded. "No, it clearly says up on our inerrant sign: FIRST Baptist Church. The sign says it, I believe it, that settles it."

After further review and historical research, the church reluctantly changed its name to 3,256th Baptist Church on Main Street.


Babylon Bee subscriber Chris Bard contributed to this report. If you want to get involved with the staff writers at The Babylon Bee, check out our membership options here!

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