U.S.—According to sources who dared to peek their heads outside this morning, God's brilliant creation is moving on after a long and difficult winter. It has been reported by several dirt-embedded journalists that flowers are continuing to bloom in a bright array of dazzling colors in spite of state governors' clear instructions to shut everything down. In addition, trees are sprouting leaves without any concern for clear state directives.
"Even the sun, in a callous display of insensitivity, is shining brightly," said CNN reporter Deebles McNarderson. "It's as if the sun is completely unaware that we are in a national crisis. Many critics are saying clouds would be much more appropriate at this unprecedented moment in our history."
Atheists are also up in arms over the fact that all of creation continues to bring glory to a God who "obviously doesn't exist."
Governors are already responding by forming committees to look into possible ways of gaining control over this rebellious display of nature. So far, the committees have produced no results.
Even the rocks are crying out, and they aren't even wearing facemasks.
Breaking: PayPal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered PayPal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added PayPal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.