U.S.—Riotous crowds rushed brick and mortar stores today to pick up copies of Mel Brooks' groundbreaking comedy Blazing Saddles before it permanently goes down the memory hole due to jokes that are off-limits in today's enlightened society of love and tolerance.
Hundreds of thousands of frenzied Americans charged into stores, fighting over the few copies of the movie still left on shelves.
"It was mine -- I saw it first!" shouted one man as he elbow-dropped another rioter in a Best Buy. "Hand it over, ya little weasel!" The pair fought over the Blu-ray for a few minutes before the elbow-dropper finally won out and headed for the checkstand with his prize. The other, more beta man was forced to buy a copy of Pitch Perfect instead.
Similar scenes of violence and chaos broke out all around the country as people suddenly realized there was no way Blazing Saddles would remain on streaming services very long, with even jokes that are clearly mocking racism and bigotry being deleted from dozens of shows in the past few weeks.
Next week, crowds are expected to be fighting over the last few copies of the next movie to be canceled for being too offensive, Paddington 2.
Get Free Access To Our Brand New Site: Not the Bee
After creating The Babylon Bee in six literal days, Adam Ford rested. But he rests no longer. Introducing Not the Bee — a brand new humor-based news site run by Adam himself. It's loaded with funny content and all the best features of a social network. And the best part? Everyone with a subscription to The Bee gets full access at no extra cost.