WORLD—Game of Thrones fans around the world registered their shock and confusion as an unlikely contender for the Iron Throne burst onscreen during Sunday night's episode to make his claim to rule Westeros: Aslan the Lion, Son of the Emperor-over-the-Sea, and King above all Kings.
Cersei Lannister was reportedly scheming while perched on the throne made out of the swords of Aegon the Conqueror's enemies partway through the episode. Out of a wardrobe in an adjacent room, the Lion leaped, bursting into the throne room and roaring before "just going berserk" on everyone.
"All these politicians and rulers were scheming and plotting to backstab one another to take over Westeros, and suddenly this big lion dude jumps out of nowhere and just starts eating everybody," one shocked viewer said. "He just roared, shook his mane, and they all scattered. I had my money on Jon and Dany taking over together, so this was a huge surprise [Editor's note: Jon and Dany are characters in Game of Thrones, for our Christian readers who don't watch Game of Thrones because, you know, they're actual Christians]."
Aslan then claimed to be the only one who could right all the wrongs, rid the world of its sorrows, and bring spring again in the face of a withering winter. The bitter cold that had plagued the Seven Kingdoms almost instantly began to melt, and the White Walkers themselves turned into puddles of tepid water as Aslan's roar echoed across the land.
The remainder of the season will reportedly just show Aslan patroling Westeros and attacking people who partake in the gross, violent, and perverted activities the show is known for.
Breaking: PayPal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered PayPal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added PayPal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.