SAN DIEGO, CA—Saying he couldn’t hide his true self from the world any longer, local gay man Mark Porter bravely came out of the closet as a die-hard fan of popular fast-food chain Chick-fil-A Wednesday.
After years of “living in the shadows” within the hostile gay community, Porter finally summoned the courage to publicly identify as a Chick-fil-A patron. Sitting his family down and taking a deep breath, the man courageously declared his innate, unchangeable fast-food orientation.
“This is who I am,” he said, holding back tears. “I was simply born with an innate desire to consume delicious chicken sandwiches. I have no control over this impulse. I didn’t ask for this.” Porter went on to say that he doesn’t expect his family to understand, but he does ask for their support as he navigates what it means to be a Chick-fil-A man in the gay community.
“I have to be true to myself,” he added before showing his astonished family a collection of receipts proving that he had eaten at the restaurant 47 times in the last month alone. He then went on to change his restaurant orientation on all his social networks to “Chick-fil-A fan,” before applying a new profile picture overlay in celebration of Chick-fil-A Pride Month.
At publishing time, Porter’s leftist friends had cast the Chick-fil-A customer out of their social circles, calling his new lifestyle an “abomination.”
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