SAN FRANCISCO, CA—A new mural in downtown San Francisco of Swedish teenage climate activist Greta Thunberg has a surprise for passersby: her eyes are equipped with high-powered lasers designed to seek and destroy carbon-emitting SUVs on the streets below.
“We want the mural to really make a positive impact in the fight against climate change,” a spokesperson told sources. “Greta’s pouty glare is certain to generate guilt and shame in many motorists, but that didn’t seem like enough. By adding the lasers, we can begin taking out the worst offenders in their Hummers and Land Rovers.”
When the lasers were first activated, they immediately targeted the carbon-emitting hydraulic cranes and aerosol paint sprayers used to create the mural. The glitch has since been fixed.
Sources confirm the lasers will be suspended when Al Gore and other climate activist celebrities visit San Francisco and drive through town with their fleet of Suburbans and Escalades.