HEAVEN—Citing a saturated market for Facebook likes and flattening demand for prayers that continues to soften, heaven issued its quarterly notice updating the exchange rate for likes to prayers Monday.
“Each Facebook like is now equivalent to just 0.8 prayers,” a spokesperson for heaven’s central reserve said, further noting that the volatile market was recently flooded with an unexpected wave of likes, weakening demand for the unit of social interaction.
“We also anticipate the market for likes to continue to soften throughout the fiscal year,” he added.
“Shares and comments continue to remain in high demand, and as such, we’re increasing each of these to be worth 2.5 prayers, respectively,” he continued.
Heaven also released a table showing the estimated cost of various miracles and services that suggested that the miraculous healing of a sick child will now take upwards of 2 million likes, while lesser miracles will cost around 500,000 likes apiece.
Breaking: PayPal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered PayPal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added PayPal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.