Howard Schultz Confirms He Will Continue To Use Executive Bathroom After Leaving Starbucks

SEATTLE, WA—Immediately after announcing that he will be leaving his position as executive chairman of Starbucks, Howard Schultz confirmed he would continue to use his personal restroom at the company’s headquarters, per the coffee chain’s recently implemented policy.

The outgoing executive stated that since the company now allows anyone to use their restrooms, whether paying customers or not, he should be allowed to drop by his former workplace at any time and make use of its ritzy, private bathrooms.

“Yes, I’m leaving and possibly looking to get involved in politics, but there’s just no way I’m giving up this fantastic private restroom,” he told reporters. “It’s got nice plated taps, a comfy seat, plenty of reading material—the works.”

“Frankly, that’s why I pushed so hard for the new bathroom policy,” he added.

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