WASHINGTON, D.C.—At the same press conference where she announced plans to begin formal impeachment proceedings against President Donald Trump, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi also announced Democrats’ intent as soon as possible to get involved in a land war in Asia.
Pelosi said the two initiatives would be grouped together in a legislative package called “Easy Wins with No Unintended Consequences that Could Never Go Wrong and Blow Up in Our Faces for the Children Act of 2019.”
According to Pelosi, the act would also include other initiatives like co-signing on a loan for a boat and letting our brother-in-law crash in the living room just for a couple of weeks until he gets back on his feet. The act would also provide for America to challenge a Sicilian while death is on the line.
“Historically speaking,” said Pelosi, “Asian land wars have always been beneficial actions never associated with words like ‘hubris,’ ‘embarrassment,’ or ‘quagmire.’ That’s why we think our pursuit of this strategy is the perfect complement to impeachment.”
One GOP consultant said it was “inconceivable” that the Democrats would choose this course of action at this time. When questioned about his use of that word, he shouted to the roomful of reporters that they should all be unemployed in Greenland.