PRESCOTT, AZ—The marital community was shaken to its core Monday evening as local man Brett Larson performed the ultimate act of sacrificial love: plugging in his wife's phone instead of his own.
The couple, which somehow only has one charger despite owning two smartphones and three tablets, is in a constant, passive-aggressive cold war over the last remaining charger. But Larson, in a breathtaking display of humility and generosity, put an end to the conflict by plugging in his wife's phone as they went to bed last night.
Larson performed this supreme act of agape love despite the fact that his phone only had 11% remaining. "The Bible commands me to lay my life down for my wife, as Christ loved the Church," Larson said as he tearfully watched his phone deplete its little remaining charge, his wife sleeping peacefully beside him. She then stole the covers from him, leaving him in the chilly, air-conditioned expanse. "It's OK," he said. "It's what Jesus wants."
"Greater love hath no man than this, that he lay down his own dying phone for his wife's."
Not all husbands are happy with Larson's sacrifice, however.
"Brett's really making the rest of us look bad," said disgruntled Tallahassee husband Gary Weathers. "It's like, stop overachieving. Next they're going to expect us to unload the whole dishwasher instead of just getting out the one dish we need to have a bowl of cereal. Plus, they'll want us to close the box of cereal. And then put it back in the cupboard! It's a real slippery slope."