U.S.—An upcoming more politically correct remake of classic Christmas program Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer will have Rudolph immediately sue Santa for discriminating against the color of his nose.
The exciting film will follow the story of Rudolph's uphill court battle against the ultra-privileged bigot Santa Claus and his accomplices.
According to insiders, the epic climax of the film will show Santa Claus losing the court case and his business. He'll then be sent to a North Pole gulag for "re-education" at the hands of tiny secret police elves.
Other changes have been made as well. Prospector Yukon Cornelius will no longer sing about oppressive capitalistic commodities like silver and gold, but will rather belt out a charming tune about food stamps and bread lines. In a particularly bloody sequence, the toys living on the Island of Misfit Toys will rise up in violent revolution and slaughter hundreds of elves with a guillotine.
"Overall, this is a much more woke take on Rudolph," wrote a Huffington Post critic after seeing an early screening. "Rudolph will rise up and overthrow his prejudiced oppressors, as should have happened all along."
"Finally, a Rudolph film for the whole family," the early preview concluded.
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