Christian Living
Jerry Falwell Jr. Takes Emergency Mission Trip To Southern Border To Kick Around Some Mexican Kids

SOMEWHERE IN THE TEXAN DESERT—Upon hearing about the immigration crisis, Jerry Falwell, Jr. was touched. He "just had to get down there right away," according to those close to the ostensibly Christian leader of a Christian university. Falwell's mission was to survey the problem, see what the needs of the immigrants were, and then "kick around some Mexican kids just for fun."

"He's very passionate about immigrant children," said a photographer on the scene as he got a moving picture of Falwell chasing around some migrants and punting them several yards away. "He's been doing this for a few hours."

"I'll show you to come to God's country!" Falwell yelled at one frightened immigrant child. "You've probably never even done payroll, ya little loser. Get over here and I'll give you what you need: a swift kick in the pants, just like Jesus told us to do to strangers."

"That'll teach you to be an employee and not create any real businesses, ya little leech!" he yelled as the kid scrambled away.

After Falwell, Jr. had had his fun, he jumped back in the Liberty University bus to head home and continue making a great name for Christians all across America.

Get Free Access To Our Brand New Site: Not the Bee

After creating The Babylon Bee in six literal days, Adam Ford rested. But he rests no longer. Introducing Not the Bee — a brand new humor-based news site run by Adam himself. It's loaded with funny content and all the best features of a social network. And the best part? Everyone with a subscription to The Bee gets full access at no extra cost.

Get FREE Access

*with premium subscription to The Babylon Bee

You must become a premium subscriber or login to view or post comments on this article.