Politics
Jim Acosta Strikes Blow Against Racism By Seeing How Many Bats He Can Fit In His Mouth

ATLANTA, GA—On a live broadcast today, CNN reporter Jim Acosta struck a mighty blow against racism by checking how many bats he could fit in his mouth.

The CNN journalist was worried his station might be flirting with racism since they have reported on the coronavirus scandal even though China would like everyone just to pretend everything is fine. They had even referred to it as the Wuhan virus before China told them to stop. Acosta knew drastic steps had to be taken to show how not-racist he was and prove that CNN was a bastion of love, tolerance, and globalism. So, live on the air this morning, he began solemnly stuffing live bats into his mouth one at a time.

"Take thad, raschischm!" he mumbled, his mouth packed with approximately seventeen bats. "I ab nowt a racschist!" After 17 bats, Acosta was unable to fit any more in his mouth and was forced to eat them. "Next time, I will try to do more," he said. "I was hoping to eat at least 25 bats to show how not-racist I am. I vow to do better."

Not to be outdone, Anderson Cooper has agreed to take the "Hot Tub of Bats Challenge" where he is submerged in a hot tub full of bats and is not allowed to come up for air until he has eaten every single one.

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