WASHINGTON, D.C.—Amid a flurry of accusations of inappropriate touching and crowding people's personal space leveled at former vice president Joe Biden, President Trump announced Friday that Biden is his appointment to the Transporation Security Administration.
Biden will be tasked with showing TSA agents how to violate people's personal space and privacy in their daily groping of American citizens. He already has "dozens" of charts and infographics he began to hand out to TSA workers all across the country, creeping up on them and gingerly setting the files in their hands as he whispered his instructions in their ears.
"Based on Biden's skill getting inappropriately close to people and making unwanted physical advances, he is the perfect man for the job," Trump said. "We've had our differences in the past, but I'm glad Creepy Joe and I can work together on this one."
"He's a very good toucher, one of the best."
Trump reportedly considered himself for the position before choosing Biden, calling himself an "expert groper," but he was informed he can't be both president of the United States and the TSA Administrator.