HOUSTON, TX—Joel Osteen, pastor of America’s largest megachurch immediately called up Kanye when he heard about the musician’s newfound Christian faith and immense star appeal.
Kanye was invited to a Sunday service at Lakewood Church. Meeting with West earlier this week, Osteen promised something “really flashy that I know you will like.” Lakewood Church is known to draw 45,000 attendees every week as well as tens of millions of viewers from home. Celebrities such as Oprah have been known to pop in from time to time to be encouraged with positive words of affirmation in attaining wealth, a sure sign of God’s blessing.
Reportedly, Osteen showed Kanye his 17,000-sf, $10 million River Oaks mansion, his sports cars, and his private jet and made several offers to Kanye that he should join Lakewood Church where all these things were possible for Kanye. None of this really impressed Kanye however. Osteen then had an idea. “Let’s head over to the church where there is a really great view.”
Reportedly, it was a very clear day as both men were able to see “all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor.” Eyewitnesses say Osteen made Kanye an offer to join Lakewood church and “all this would be yours.”
"To you I will give all this authority and their glory, for it has been delivered to me, and I give it to whom I will," said Osteen with a subtle "hiss" in his voice. "If you will just worship me, it will all be yours."
At publishing time, the nation's Christians were pleading that Kanye would make the right choice.