WASHINGTON, D.C.— Following the recent announcement that Kamala Harris has been selected as Joe Biden’s running mate, Senator Harris was eager to share plans of her own if elected. Harris has now unveiled a bold, new strategy to provide affordable housing to the Americans she believes need it the most.
Harris's free housing plan will provide poor families with a clean, safe, secure concrete room, armed guards, and three full meals a day.
“Truly, I can think of no better place for these people to be contained - er I mean to live!” said Kamala Harris, smiling and taking pictures outside the facility. “No one is more deserving of going to the big house.”
Harris proceeded to give a tour of the exclusive, gated community that she hopes will soon house mass quantities of people. “The housing boasts top level security featuring high walls, barbed wire fencing, 24 hour surveillance and dedicated guards,” said the Senator. “From these towers, guards keep a watchful eye and can quickly defuse any disturbance.”
The affordable housing is laid out in fun, organized sections that they like to call "cell blocks." “The secret to cutting down costs is our innovative floor plan that combines the bathroom, bedroom, living room, and dining room into one space,” explained Harris walking through one of the blocks. “Additionally, each person has access to three government-provided, delicious bowls of gruel every day."
One resident informed us he’s tried to leave multiple times but has not been able to. He said he understands that Kamala knows what’s best for him and that they’re only keeping him there for his best interest and safety. When pressed for a comment Kamala simply laughed it off.
At publishing time several reports indicated that there was a mostly peaceful riot in the yard.