PLYMOUTH, MI—According to sources close to local father Bryan Roper, the father of three always tells fellow Christians how much of a blessing from God his kids are -- the very same kids he complains about "literally all the time."
The man firmly believes that children are one of life's greatest joys, though he often complains to his spouse, co-workers, and fellow believers about how much his kids get on his nerves.
"Kids are such a blessing—ugh, Aiden left his freaking baseball glove out again," Roper told reporters. "AIDEN, COME PICK YOUR FREAKING GLOVE UP! AIDEN! AIDEN! This kid never listens to me. AIDEN! AIDEN! AIDEN!"
Once the glove had been retrieved, Roper continued: "Anyway, as I was saying, children are a gift from God. Count your blessings and cherish every moment, because before you know it, they're gone."
Roper then "blew his top" when he saw the children had erased his Link's Awakening save file again just before he got to the Wind Fish’s Egg.
The man also doesn't understand why he has to tell his kids fourteen times before they obey him, though he himself has to read the same Bible passage over 100 times before he begins to begrudgingly obey God.