U.S.—Basketball superstar and real man LeBron James has contracted COVID, forcing him to miss several games.
"Waaaaaaaaaa!" cried LeBron, according to sources. "I got COVID even though I've been vaccinated twelve times! How could this happen?" He then collapsed on the ground in a fit of sobs as snot ran out of his nose.
Upon hearing of the famed sports celebrity's plight, Guardian of Kenosha Kyle Rittenhouse was moved with compassion and mailed a box of lemon drops to Lebron to help him recover from COVID.
"I heard you liked these, get well soon," said a note on the package.
The Lemonheads made LeBron pucker up and cry even more, as he was not used to their incredibly tart flavor. A spokesperson for the player announced he may need to stay out a few additional games to recover.
President Xi Jinping of China has released a statement, wishing LeBron a speedy recovery.
Gregory Ilinovich loves murdering people with illegal guns - so he's a bit concerned about all these new gun regulations. Luckily, he tends not to follow laws anyway.