NASHVILLE, TN—Stating that LifeWay leadership had previously been entirely unaware of the “graphic nature” of some of the Bible’s sexually descriptive and grisly passages, president Thom Rainer announced Wednesday that the popular Southern Baptist Christian book store would be pulling all Bibles from its shelves.
The move reportedly came after dozens of complaints from customers, whose children were caught reading Song of Solomon and giggling.
“We would like to extend our sincerest apologies to the millions of individuals, churches, and organizations that have purchased Bibles from us in the past,” Rainer said at an emergency press conference. “If we had screened the material more thoroughly we would have known that there are explicit references to parts of the human anatomy in the text.”
“I just figured out what the metaphor with the two fawns was referencing. Oh man, do we have egg on our face for selling this vulgar material for so long,” he added.
According to LifeWay, the chain will begin selling censored versions of the Bible instead of the “defective” ones as soon as they can get them printed.