Worldviews Election 2016
Local Christian's Persecution Complex Sort Of Bummed Hillary Did Not Win

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Local Christian Evan Gaudreau seemed to have taken the election of Donald Trump in stride, but his internal persecution complex admitted Thursday that it is “really sort of bummed out” that Hillary Clinton did not win the presidential election, sources confirmed.

“This sort of puts a damper on my plans for the near future, honestly,” Gaudreau’s obsessive belief that he is destined to suffer terribly for his faith revealed to sources. “I was hoping Hillary would win the presidency and I would soon be barred from openly practicing my faith.”

“I’m not sure what to post about on Facebook anymore, now that a Hillary-appointed Supreme Court is not going to hit me with a massive fine or have me tossed in some dark dungeon for refusing to denounce the Bible,” it added.

“I’ve got to admit it—I’m a bit sad about all this.”

According to reports, Gaudreau’s persecution complex is waiting with bated breath for Trump to “veer really hard to the left” on religious liberty issues.

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