Local Man Burns 13,000 Calories Installing Car Seat

FT WAYNE, IN—According to sources, local father Nathan Woodruff has been rushed to the hospital with severe exhaustion and dehydration after struggling for 3 hours to install a child's car seat in the back of his wife's minivan.

"We estimate that he burned over 13,000 calories," said one doctor. "This is common with new parents. They make those car seats harder to install every single year."

Several awed witnesses watched Mr. Woodruff struggle while a miserable frozen sleet poured down outside. Some who watched reported hearing a string of creative curses unlike anything else that has been uttered by a human being.

"Did... did I do good?" whispered Mr. Woodruff before completely passing out as paramedics tied him to a stretcher.

"We commend him for his dedication," said one neighbor. "Nate will be in our prayers." 

Studies have shown that car seat installation is the main reason most parents stop having kids after only one or two.

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