Church Health
Local Man Fakes Sickness For 7 Years To Keep Church Meal Train Coming

BALTIMORE, MD—Local man Nick Dreyer confessed to his pastor Friday that he’s been faking his sickness for the past seven years just to keep the church meal train coming.

Dreyer has simply pretended to have a cold the entire time, just so the church would keep dropping off free casseroles and potato salads at his door.

“I really did get sick, back in the fall of 2011,” he said, hanging his head. “I got knocked off my feet with a bad cold for a couple weeks. The church rallied around me to take care of me. But then when the church ladies continued to drop casseroles off at my door three times a day, I just kept it going.”

“I know God won’t give us more temptation than we can handle, but those chicken casseroles with the little crunchy bits on top were too much for me to resist,” he added, ashamed.

Dreyer has reportedly lived off casseroles, hot dishes, stews, and jello with bits of fruit suspended within for almost the entire time he’s been pretending to be sick, grabbing a few tissues and fake-blowing his nose every time the church meal train shows up at his house.

At publishing time, he had been sentenced to serve in children’s ministry for the next seven years to make up for his deceit.

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