BISMARCK, ND—Immediately upon learning a G major chord Wednesday afternoon, local man Paul Ellis received a call from the head pastor at his church inviting him to fill the role of worship leader, sources confirmed.
The impressive feat reportedly brings his total chord repertoire to four.
“I almost discovered the chord by accident,” Ellis told reporters. “I was sitting in my bedroom trying to learn the insanely difficult picking part at the beginning of ‘Nothing Else Matters,’ when I stumbled upon the G major fingering pattern.”
“Since I’ve already got the E minor, C, and D down, I figure the church knew I was ready for prime time once I added the G to my formidable quiver.” The new worship leader also claimed he can play the four chords in several different configurations, including “power chord” variations.
In addition to four entire chords, Ellis stated he knows how to play “a few bars” from “Sweet Home Alabama,” “Beat It,” and “Sweet Child O’ Mine,” but was unsure whether or not his extensive catalog of covers was instrumental in the church’s decision.
Breaking: PayPal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered PayPal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added PayPal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.