LAKE CITY, FL—When invited to attend a concert with some friends last week, local man Brad Gensing was "down for whatever."
"Sounds like a blast!" he had said in a group text. "Count me in. Can't wait, bros!"
But every day, as tonight's event crept nearer and nearer, Gensing was less and less sure why he had ever agreed to the massive undertaking of getting dressed, leaving his house, and interacting with other humans for several hours. Every possible motivation that had driven him to express not only agreement with but enthusiasm for the idea of "chilling" with other people became shrouded in mystery to him as the minutes to the event ticked down.
"I know I agreed to go out with friends tonight, but as the evening nears, I can't remember why I ever agreed to this at all," he said, head in his hands. "I think maybe it sounded fun at the time? I must have been totally out of my mind. It's like an entirely different person consigned me to this fate."
"Like, putting on pants and everything? That just doesn't sound like me," he added sadly.
At publishing time, Gensing and the 17 other guys who had all agreed to meet up had all cancelled due to "sickness."
Breaking: Paypal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered Paypal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added Paypal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.