COEUR D’ALENE, ID—Local Pastor Jacob Scott is known by his congregation as a man of deep compassion with a humble commitment to serve the Lord’s flock.
But Scott’s facade came tumbling down Wednesday night, as his true, ugly self was unveiled for all to see during a get together at the pastor’s own home, when Scott turned into a hateful being of pure rage near the end of a youth Mario Kart tournament, sources confirmed.
The evening reportedly started with a cheerful Scott and his wife warmly greeting the dozen families who arrived, complimenting the casseroles, barbecued ribs, and potato salads that parishioners generously brought for the party.
But when several of the youth demanded that Scott join the Mario Kart 8 tournament upstairs, things began to take a turn for the worse.
While Scott reportedly breezed through the first two rounds of the contest, he ran into trouble in his third matchup, when one of the Anderson kids hit his Princess Peach Cat Cruiser racing kart with a blue shell just before the finish line. This brutal, last-minute attack caused Scott to finish fourth in the race and fall into the loser’s bracket. Onlookers watched in shock as Scott threw his gamepad against the wall and muttered something about getting “the bad controller.”
When Scott was then eliminated in his first race in the second bracket due to a well-timed lightning bolt power-up that sent Princess Peach plummeting off the side of Rainbow Road, witnesses claim he transformed from a gentle shepherd of his flock into an uncontrollable tornado of anger.
“[Expletive] this [expletive] game, you little [expletive]!” Scott screamed at the frightened teenagers gathered around his son’s bedroom television. “Are you kidding me? All I ever get is [expletive] banana peels, and this little brat gets a lightning bolt while he’s in fifth place? [Expletive] this! I’m outta here, losers!”
Sources confirmed that Scott then grabbed his son’s Nintendo Wii U console off its shelf and hurled it out the bedroom window, before storming out the front door and slamming it shut behind him.
According to reports, it took Scott’s wife more than two hours to coax him out of the tree-house where he was sulking.
Breaking: Paypal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered Paypal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added Paypal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.