Worldviews
Local Snowflake Resents Being Compared To Fragile College Students

BILLINGS, MT—A local snowflake is speaking out after learning that snowflakes are being used to describe overprotected college students who are easily distressed by ideas that do not align with their worldview, sources confirmed.

“When I first heard the term ‘Generation Snowflake’ I thought it was a compliment,” said the feathery ice crystal, in a statement issued from a snowbank just off Route 318.

“Then I learned more about it, and I was appalled. Just because I’m uniquely designed by God, I’m not entitled to go through life never facing hardship or having my beliefs challenged. Where did that idea come from?”

“I mean, could these young people plummet 10,000 feet in subzero conditions, with style and serenity?” the precipitant went on. “We don’t demand safe spaces from kids’ scalding hot tongues. We don’t ask for trigger warnings every time a dog starts sniffing around. Enough is enough.”

“To call them snowflakes is an insult to snowflakes everywhere,” it added.

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