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Man Bitten By Radioactive Cat Just Lies Around House All Day

BROOKLYN, NY—Local man Peter Martin was living a normal life. He was energetic, good at his job, and kind to everyone he met.

Then, something amazing happened: he was bitten by a radioactive cat in an abandoned shaft in the city subway.

The next thing Martin knew, he felt a strange power coursing through his veins: the power to lie around the house all day. He particularly likes sunny spots. He doesn't get himself food but simply whines or stares passive-aggressively at his family members until they bring him food. Even when they do feed him, he sometimes wants them to move the food around in the dish so it looks like there is more in there.

Martin also has developed incredible senses that allow him to tell when someone is holding a door open. He darts to the door and stands indecisively on the threshold, unable to choose whether he wants to go outside or stay in. He never seems satisfied, no matter which choice he makes, always glaring at the person who finally closed the door.

At publishing time, Martin also said he contemplates murdering the other people who live in his house from time to time.

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