PORTLAND, OR—Local Christian blogger Jonathan Pennington is being called a hero by progressive theologians after he courageously abandoned an extremely unpopular Christian teaching in order to instead affirm a very popular belief held in wider secular culture, sources confirmed Wednesday.
“I know this is going to get me a lot of praise from secular culture, but I have to do it anyway because my conscience compels me,” Pennington wrote on his Patheos blog. “There is always a cost to following your heart, and in my case it happens to be a net gain in terms of fame, fortune, and worldly influence.”
Pennington further stated he refused to accept traditional teaching on the topic, wanting to find out for himself what the Bible said about the issue, and after careful study concluded the exact same thing that every other ex-evangelical did about the topic at hand.
“We aren’t cogs in a machine. We have to go find out for ourselves what Jesus actually taught,” the man who now agrees with the majority of unbelievers on the issue wrote.
At publishing time, Pennington was scanning his Bible for other teachings he could toss overboard in hopes of getting a few more likes on his official Facebook page.
Get Free Access To Our Brand New Site: Not the Bee
After creating The Babylon Bee in six literal days, Adam Ford rested. But he rests no longer. Introducing Not the Bee — a brand new humor-based news site run by Adam himself. It's loaded with funny content and all the best features of a social network. And the best part? Everyone with a subscription to The Bee gets full access at no extra cost.