PORTLAND, OR—Greg Sterling, 47, sued the government earlier this week to get his age changed 20 years younger than he actually is in order to land a job as a youth pastor at a local church.
Sterling petitioned to have his age changed to 27 so he could be cool, hip, and blend in with the youth at Combustion Youth Group.
"I know physically I look old, but I personally identify as a lit, dope 20-something and not an old man," he told reporters. "Old people are so lame, am I right, fam? I'm hip!"
In order to live out his chosen identity as a young, cool, relatable youth pastor, Sterling wears trucker hats, sunglasses, and even a wallet chain. He listens to "contemporary" music like Carman, T-Bone, and Project 86. He uses current terminology like "dope," "phat," and "tight," cementing his status as a perpetually young guy the kids can "just chill" with.
Based on his newfound identity, Sterling was granted the youth pastor position. In a statement, he confirmed he was "so totally stoked" for the role.
Breaking: PayPal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered PayPal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added PayPal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.