CASTLE ROCK, CO—According to sources close to Bedrock Church sound guy Ryan Wendler, the longtime church volunteer actually doesn’t care about audio engineering in the slightest, but rather serves in the sound booth so he can avoid shaking hands during the church’s mandatory greeting time.
Wendler discovered the perk of the tech ministry by sheer accident several years ago, when he was asked to fill in running slides and discovered he didn’t have to speak to a single person during the church’s usual meet-and greet-session.
“I just kinda browse the internet for three or four minutes while everyone else is pumping hands and exchanging pleasantries,” he said. “I’ve got it made, to be honest. I’m really, really blessed.”
The man confirmed he has no real passion or enthusiasm for checking sound levels on the thirteen different band members at midweek practice and all Sunday morning. He has no God-given, innate desire to click the slide for the appropriate repetition of the chorus during each worship song. He doesn’t even really know what he’s doing most of the time.
“But frankly,” he said Sunday as he peered out of his hiding place in the church’s sound booth, “it’s all worth it. All the hours of practice, learning all the terminology, pretending that I know what I’m doing as I adjust this or that lever or dial, getting blamed for every single thing that goes wrong in the service—all of it is entirely worthwhile, if I don’t have to shake a single hand.”
At publishing time, Wendler had confirmed he also doesn’t have to put anything in the offering plate or turn to his neighbor and say, “JESUS IS AMAZING!” at the worship leader’s every whim.
Breaking: PayPal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered PayPal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added PayPal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.