Scottsdale, AZ—While browsing the internet from his home office Thursday morning, local man Robert Miller reportedly became excited upon discovering an announcement under the “Events” section of Discovery Community Church’s website which confirmed an upcoming 2009 church picnic.
“Picnic this week, eh?” Miller reportedly said to himself as he leaned back in his computer chair. “They didn’t mention this in last Sunday's announcements.”
Failing to note the 2009 date on the event, reports indicate Miller excitedly began making preparations for the barbecue.
In addition to “Fun, fellowship, and food,” the nearly decade-old event details promised “Hot dogs, inflatables, face paint for the kids, and a special message from pastor Gary” as highlights of the church function.
“This is going to be awesome!” Miller commented on his church’s Facebook page, just after 9:00 a.m. “My kids love bounce houses, and Pastor Gary has been dead for three years!”
“Honey, I bet the tech team is planning to Tupac pastor Gary in with a hologram or something!” Miller reportedly shouted at his wife as she passed by the den.
Sources report Miller’s confusion was compounded when he discovered that the listed February 7th event date, which was a Saturday during Obama’s first year in the White House, now fell on a Wednesday. “11 a.m. on a weekday, huh? Well, I’ll just have to take off work, because I can’t miss the Ushers vs. Deacons Ultimate Frisbee game,” the churchman and avid picnic-goer said aloud.
As of publishing time, the 2009 Church Picnic event has been removed from the Discovery Community Church website, and sources within the Miller home report that Robert was last seen frantically calling the church office to find out why the picnic had been canceled.
Breaking: PayPal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered PayPal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added PayPal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.