Matt Chandler Hired To Wildly Wave Arms, Produce Massive Amounts Of Wind Power

FLOWER MOUND, TX—Pastor and author Matt Chandler has been tapped by the state of Texas in order to provide much-needed wind power by standing atop a wind turbine pole and rapidly waving his arms about his person.

Chandler was given a post to work part-time several days a week at a newly constructed wind farm near Dallas. The pastor scales the tall structure, and after a brief warm-up begins whirling his arms in a rapid circular motion, as electric wires hooked up to his muscular system harness the immense amount of power he generates.

“I do a lot of sermon prep, book work, and administrative stuff all day, you tracking with me?” he told reporters, who acknowledged they were in fact tracking with him. “So making a little extra dough on the side while practicing my animated preaching gestures is a great way to get out of the office for a couple hours a day. And it’s great to be able to give back to the community a little of the enormous amount of energy God gave me.”

“Beats other jobs like flagging down aircraft or acting as a motor for a pirate ship or something,” he added.

Chandler was asked to scale back his power generation after overloading the state’s power system.

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