RICHMOND, VA—In a blistering concession speech after losing the race for Virginia Governor, Terry McAuliffe vowed that he would return and that he would get everyone's children if it's the last thing he ever does.
"You haven't seen the last of me!" said McAuliffe, angrily shaking his fist. "I'll have my revenge! I'll come back and I'll get your kids! We'll brainwash them and there's nothing you can do about it! There's no escape! MUAAA HAHAHAHAHAHA!"
The failed candidate then threw a smoke bomb and disappeared from the stage in a cloud of purple smoke.
Experts warn that McAuliffe is still out there somewhere plotting his revenge, to one day come back and steal all the children and lock them away in state indoctrination centers forever. "We have to be vigilant," said one parent.
According to several anonymous sources, McAuliffe was last seen at Walmart buying more tiki torches.
The left, celebrities, and athletes will take money from China, but they sure don't like talking about China. Tap your foot to the hit song parody of "We Don't Talk About Bruno"!