Health
Deranged Lunatic Running For No Apparent Reason

ANKENY, IA—Friends and family of Landon Carter expressed concern about his mental state after he revealed that he just runs for no reason whatsoever.

"Yeah, I like running around the neighborhood, just for fun," said the psychopathic nutjob. "I get up in the morning and I run a few miles. It's enjoyable. In no way is it weird that I enjoy jogging around the neighborhood, with no destination and no apparent purpose."

Carter says he runs even though nobody is chasing him and despite the fact that he doesn't have anywhere in particular to go.

"Oh yeah, I run in a big loop," he said, apparently unaware of just how insane it is that he runs a certain distance from his house for no reason other than to run back. "I've been doing about five miles but I might add one or two more. There's this nice new running path that I haven't run down for no apparent reason yet."

Mental health experts are concerned that millions of Americans may be afflicted by the same condition as Carter where they just get up in the morning and run. "It's definitely some form of psychosis," said Dr. Hank Quintana, psychiatric research chair at Lawrence University. "If you have a loved one who says things like, 'Man, great run this morning!' or 'Just gonna head out to run for no reason at all!' make sure to get them checked out by a health professional."

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