Politics
Merrick Garland Says Whether 2+2=4 Is 'A Very Difficult Societal Question'

WASHINGTON D.C.—Merrick Garland, who failed in his Supreme Court hearings in 2016 because of that time he got grape jelly all over the Constitution, is now participating in hearings to be the Biden Administration’s Attorney General. During the hearings, Senator John Kennedy, R-LA, asked Garland if he agreed with this statement: “Two plus two equals four.”

Garland was quiet for a moment before finally saying, “This is a very difficult societal question that you're asking me here; I know what underlies it.”

Kennedy responded, “It just seems like, as Attorney General, if Bill gives you two apples and Kyle gives you two apples, you should know how many apples you now have.”

"Well, I, uh, don’t know if in this scenario I will be, uh, the one tasked to count the, uh, apples,” Garland answered, “so I don’t think it’s proper to, uh, give an answer at this time.”

The answer of what two plus two equals has become a controversial issue ever since the progressive movement embraced flexible values of two, because many other people get angry at the suggestion that two plus two equals anything other than four.

Garland had some questions at the hearings as well, asking if, as Attorney General, he could wear a black robe and have a gavel, but he was told no.

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