ROCK SPRINGS, WY—Veteran missionary Don Howser has reportedly breathed new life into his standard slideshow with an introduction featuring Finnish DJ Darude’s EDM classic, “Sandstorm.”
“I’ve spent 25 years in Uganda,” explained Howser, “and God has worked in amazing ways. Over the years, we’ve seen conversions, church plants, and innumerable acts of His love, mercy, and providence. How do you communicate a quarter century of God’s faithfulness in ten to twelve minutes? Step one: get everybody hype.”
Elder John Sims confirmed to sources that he was “still feeling loose” two days after Howser’s presentation. “Let me be candid. Our church has reluctantly supported Don and endured his slideshow for two decades with only a vague idea of where he is and what he does—Africa I think? Orphanages maybe? I still don’t really know. But what I do know is, I haven’t felt anything like that since . . . let’s just say the ‘60’s. By the end of that slideshow, the congregation was practically throwing money at Don.”
“Since we spiced things up with Darude—‘Sandstorm,’ we’ve raised an obscene amount of money,” Howser noted. “Enough to fund clean well water for our entire town and a new sanctuary for our church. I feel a little silly for spending so many years slaving over my pictures, content, and presentation.”
“If I were to add some Daft Punk, I’d probably need an offshore bank account,” he added.