COLUMBUS, OH—According to sources, local insurance salesman Bob Brown has come up with a clever solution for maintaining his Christian testimony in spite of being one of the worst drivers to ever be allowed on public roads in history. To avoid making a bad name for Christians, he cleverly covered the entire back of his car with atheist bumper stickers.
"It has taken a load off my mind," said Brown from the driver's seat of his vehicle as he texted with one hand and ate a burrito with another. "Now whenever I cut someone off, rear-end them, or sit stopped at a green light because I didn't notice it was green, I can kinda relax knowing that the person in the other vehicle is thinking 'stupid atheist!' instead of 'stupid Christian!'"
Brown's car is obnoxiously covered with atheist emblems like the Darwin fish and the Flying Spaghetti Monster. It also features beloved atheist catchphrases such as "Save Your Dumb Thoughts & Prayers" and "Everything Is Meaningless And There's No Hope." Sometimes when his driving is especially horrible, he will don a fedora or tweed cap to complete the look.
"Now I'm not sure if people hate me for my driving or my bumper stickers," Brown sighed while taping a sideview mirror back on with duct tape. "But at least I know they aren't hating Christians."
Unfortunately, Brown later lost his license after running over and killing a young college professor who was walking to a Newsboys concert.