NEW YORK, NY—After Rachel Maddow had to be airlifted to a nearby hospital for a panic attack as Trump was exonerated by the Mueller report earlier this week, MSNBC executives began looking for a replacement commentator. They considered lots of suitable replacements, from Antifa protestors to a water cooler.
But it looks like they've finally settled on an excellent choice: Chicken Little. Little received $80 million as part of the deal. Little's contract will expire at the end of Trump's time in office, which is expected to be in about 6 years.
Little will simply run around screaming that the sky is falling for his full primetime broadcast every evening. He will offer no evidence of this assertion. Whether he's talking about the economy, the climate, or things totally unrelated to President Trump, his commentary will remain consistent.
"Little is a fine addition to our team," an exec said. "His message is on point: the sky is definitely falling."
Not much will change in terms of the substance of the station's programming, according to MSNBC executives.