U.S.—The announcement of a presidential candidacy by wealthy heiress and furrier Cruella de Vil has mainly met a negative response, which many point to as evidence of the nation's sexism.
“Many call her ‘unlikable,’” said political commentator Denise Hunter, “which you hear a lot about female candidates and only female candidates.” Hunter pointed out a number of terms used to describe Cruella, which she claimed are only used against women, such as “shrill,” “bossy,” and “puppy murderer.”
Cruella is running on her experience as a businesswoman, having made millions of her custom fur coats, but polls show a mostly negative opinion of her. “She’s the most qualified candidate out there,” said feminist blogger Florence Reed, “but people, not wanting to admit they don’t like women, have come up with some vague reason to oppose her, such as she’s ‘unpleasant’ or she wants to ‘kill and skin puppies.’ We saw the same thing with Hillary Clinton. We’ve seen it with Elizabeth Warren. And we’ll see the same thing with any other female candidate in the future, a nonsense whisper campaign about illegal emailing or pretending to be Native American or kidnapping pets.”
“We still have a long way to go as a society,” agreed Cruella supporter Stacey Peters. “When people call Cruella ‘psychotic,’ what they really mean is she’s a strong, independent woman who threatens them. And their dogs.”
Further proving the existence of rampant sexism in the nation, polls showed other perfectly good female candidates like accomplished dealmaker Ursula, fierce slaying queen Maleficent, and respectable stateswoman Yzma trailing by a significant margin at publishing time.
Breaking: PayPal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered PayPal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added PayPal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.