U.S.—After the heart-wrenchingly tragic and evil events Saturday in which a deranged anti-Semite opened fire in a busy synagogue during Shabbat services, murdering 11 and injuring more, multiple sources confirmed that citizens of the United States of America almost had a brief moment of solidarity and goodwill.
“Y’know, we got pretty close. We had a few seconds there where we very nearly got along and concerned ourselves with the benefit of our neighbors,” one source said Monday. “You could tell a few people were considering it.”
Describing a vague memory she has of Americans setting their differences aside in the past to love and encourage one another after walking through a national tragedy together, another source confirmed that “yeah, we almost stopped hating each other, like just for a very quick minute there. Almost.”
“And then we remembered it’s all the other side’s fault,” she added.
At publishing time, the fleeting seconds of something nearing civility had been entirely replaced with people using the despicable act to advance their own political agenda.