U.S.—A new poll shows that the nation is feeling much more optimistic about the future now that all presidential candidates are projected to die of old age before the election this November.
The poll found that after all the younger, relatively healthy people dropped out of the race, national optimism nearly tripled as people realized that our nation wouldn't be ruined by old people.
"I was pretty worried there for a while that these near-80-year-olds were gonna run the country," said one man in Montana, "but now that it looks like they're all gonna keel over and die any day now, I'm feeling a lot better about our chances."
"But I guess for now we're not out of the woods yet. As soon as that socialist guy kicks the bucket, I'll breathe a sigh of relief."
Constitutional scholars aren't sure what would happen if they all died, but many believe there would just be no president, "an ideal outcome," according to some.
"Imagine there's no president; it's easy if you try," said one political commentator. "Actually, that'd be pretty great."