Politics
Nation Optimistic About Future Now That All Presidential Candidates Projected To Die Of Old Age Before Election

U.S.—A new poll shows that the nation is feeling much more optimistic about the future now that all presidential candidates are projected to die of old age before the election this November.

The poll found that after all the younger, relatively healthy people dropped out of the race, national optimism nearly tripled as people realized that our nation wouldn't be ruined by old people.

"I was pretty worried there for a while that these near-80-year-olds were gonna run the country," said one man in Montana, "but now that it looks like they're all gonna keel over and die any day now, I'm feeling a lot better about our chances."

"But I guess for now we're not out of the woods yet. As soon as that socialist guy kicks the bucket, I'll breathe a sigh of relief."

Constitutional scholars aren't sure what would happen if they all died, but many believe there would just be no president, "an ideal outcome," according to some.

"Imagine there's no president; it's easy if you try," said one political commentator. "Actually, that'd be pretty great."

Get Free Access To Our Brand New Site: Not the Bee

After creating The Babylon Bee in six literal days, Adam Ford rested. But he rests no longer. Introducing Not the Bee — a brand new humor-based news site run by Adam himself. It's loaded with funny content and all the best features of a social network. And the best part? Everyone with a subscription to The Bee gets full access at no extra cost.

Get FREE Access

*with premium subscription to The Babylon Bee

There is 1 comment on this article.

You must become a premium subscriber or login to view or post comments on this article.