Nation Suffers Post-Thanksgiving Inflation Around Midsection

U.S.—Inflation has been a real problem this year, and it's only getting worse. According to reports, millions all across the nation have been experiencing post-Thanksgiving dinner inflation, particularly around the midsection.

Midsection inflation suddenly spiked after Thanksgiving, well outpacing its normal rate.

"Hoo boy -- talk about inflation!" said one dad in Ohio as he settled in after his third helping of turkey and mashed potatoes. "This might even be bordering on hyperinflation!"

"And it ain't getting any better -- I'm gonna open that Cool Whip container full of turkey tomorrow and make myself a fine turkey sandwich."

The inflation crisis seems to have hit those with moms and grandmas who make delicious lumpy mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, and homemade gravy the hardest. Vegans and other people who hate themselves have been relatively unaffected by this current bout of inflation.

The Biden administration has promised to reverse these inflation trends by flooding the market with even more turkeys.


Chris Smitherson has a problem: he's unvaccinated -- which means he's left out of all activities as he doesn't have COVID like his vaccinated friends. Thoughts and prayers.

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