U.S.—The nation's Christians are lamenting the fact that God never gave them a leader they could follow who was unimpeachable, incorruptible, and absolutely perfect in every way.
"If only God had given us a leader who could never be impeached, whose moral character was impeccable, and who would even sacrifice himself to save us," said one man in Oklahoma. "Alas, he just gave us Trump, who's pretty close to that, I guess. But still -- he makes mistakes, like David did."
Christians said that God could have used the pattern of David but instead given them a leader who was "even better than David."
"Like, maybe He could have appointed someone to rule who's like a second David -- following King David's type but without sin," said Pastor Jeremiah Benson in Arkansas. "He could be the better Adam, the better Moses, the better Trump."
Believers across the country said that if God had seen it fit to give them a leader like that, they wouldn't need to trust in kings, princes, or presidents. "We could just, like, not worry too much about how things are going in the political realm, because we would know that our leader could never be removed or corrupted."