Church
Nation's Churches Scramble To Upgrade To Y2K-Compliant Computers

U.S.—As the end of the year rapidly approaches, the nation's churches are scrambling to upgrade their computers for Y2K compliance.

Churches had reportedly called for replacing their computers with Y2K-compliant versions decades ago, but congregational votes had failed to approve the hefty three-digit expense. Many of the votes were caught up in committees as churches debated the pros and cons of moving from Windows 95 to one of those "newfangled" operating systems like Windows 98 or even Windows XP.

"Why would we upgrade to Y2K compliance when old Bessie here works just fine?" asked church deacon Paul Martyr, lovingly patting the church's tower running Windows 3.1 on a beefy Intel 486 processor. "Personally, I don't feel comfortable moving to Windows 10, since the beast in Revelation had ten horns. It's clearly a satanic ploy to get us to abandon the old paths of MS-DOS."

But as the end of the decade drew near, more and more churches started to take the Y2K threat seriously and agreed to splurge on a tower with a Y2K-compliant sticker.

"We have to be careful with our budget, but we can loosen the purse-strings a bit when it comes to something important like making sure we're ready for the year 2000," said one pastor in Texas. "We have to be on the cutting edge."

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